The First Official Meandering Monday: From eyes and ears to poor Twitter grades and leaf peepers

I’ve already been doing this theme, Meandering Monday, on my main blog with post from the previous week from this blog every Monday. But now I’m making it an official theme here each week, in the tradition of Sock Drawer at Mattress Police and Sandwich Fixins at The Magick Sandwich and all the other random thought posts from other random thought posters.

Plus it’ll guarantee you faithful reader(s) will see at least one new post from me per week.

So without further adieu, I bring you:

The First Official Meandering Monday

I started out this morning not feeling funny, but took a notebook with me as I ran errands to town in case the hilarity broke out so I wouldn’t miss a moment of it. As you’ll see, some loarity broke out instead.

**************

One of the errands I had to run this morning was to get the temples of my eyeglasses tightened. Every once in a while, they go loose and don’t curl around my ears like they are supposed to curl. So I’ll be in the middle of helping a customer at the bookstore and they’ll just fall off or start to fall off– and I probably seem like I’m one of those special needs people.

Not that there’s anything wrong with special needs people. After all, they sell the good hot dogs, Nathan’s, at a hot dog cart they run near the bookstore  (I’m not kidding or making fun here; it’s true).

And I know what you’re thinking, “Well, technically, there is something wrong with special needs people.”,  but you know there’s something wrong with all of us in one way or another, so shut up! Wrong with me: telling my reader(s) to shut up in the middle of a post; great way to get you to (un)subscribe.

So anyway after getting the temples of my glasses tightened so they fit snug around my ears…

**************

My wife says my ears aren’t even, that one is different than the other. What do you think?

Are they?

I didn’t ask you to say anything about I need a shave or an ear hair trimmer either. Hey, I don’t have Photoshop like some of you, like Jinksy @ Extremely Funny or something. So shut up! (See I told you that’s what wrong with me, well, at least, one of the things besides having ears that don’t match.)

**************

…and after getting my lenses cleaned, as I walked out of the optician’s, I felt funny, as in lightheaded.

So after I went to the bookstore and meandered around there for an hour or so (on my day off even), then to the library, I got a hot dog with my favorite sandwich fixins (no link this time, one link per post ;) see above): sauerkraut and Gulden’s mustard. Now I feel unfunny again — as you no doubt can tell.

**************

Thanks to a company called Twitter Grader, you can find out what your Twitter grade is. I have a couple of Twitter accounts — on one, I received a 26 out of 100; the other, a 33 out of 100. I feel like I’m back in calculus my senior year in high school. Thanks. I checked Dooce’s (no link, she gets enough traffic) and she got a 99.9. I think she started the company that does the grading.

**************

This time of year our town is full of leaf peepers or leafers. Either way, it doesn’t sound like something very nice– and besides driving some traffic to the store where I work, so hey I can’t completely complain– it can be very not nice for those of us who are townies. Ignorant New Yorkers, Canucks (stupid Frenchies) and flatlanders flood our hotels and trump the ignorance that already is here the rest of the year– which is saying a lot when you consider the ignorance already exhibited here:

Um, yeah, that's duct tape to cover a hole in a tree.

**************

Posted on the new and improved Humor-Blogs.com, where you can vote for this post for free — no membership fee or spam e-mails– and also find other comedy for weirdos.

Trying to duck the quack doctors on Twitter and BlogCatalog

What is it about me that draws quack doctors on Twitter and on BlogCatalog?

Okay, so far, it’s only two, but soon I have a feeling I’m going to have a whole host of alternative medicine types following me — and probably even more after I write the words alternative medicine over and over, alternative medicine, alternative medicine, click, click, boom! It’s going to explode in my face and all over my IP address.

I Twittered that I was suffering from allergy headaches. I didn’t realize what a mistake that was. Suddenly I had this “doctor” following me who told me he had the cure to all my allergy problems. I’m not going to give you his url address, because I’m not going to give the man more attention than he deserves and I don’t want to engage in “a dialogue” with him. I’m reading Great Expectations and getting enough dialogue there, thank you very much.

His system, though, is “a revolutionary paradigm shift.” I think I used the word “paradigm” in my profile page, so I’m wondering if that’s why we might have a “connection.” I knew I shouldn’t have used a highfalutin word like “paradigm.” He even has consultation fees which you can pay via PayPal– um, no.

The second “doctor” is a hypnotherapist from England. Again, I’m not giving you his url address, but he’s a practitioner of neuro-linguistic programming AND hypnotherapy. I don’t need to hear any more and I don’t need to read about how you’re not a quack, but it’s really legitimate– no, really. It’s been scientifically…blah, blah, blah…leave me the H-E-doubletoothpick (that’s for my mom and dad) ALONE.

Oh, wait, this just in…as I also found another quack doctor, perhaps the quack doctor of all quack doctors, as one of my friends on BlogCatalog, and I don’t want to leave him out:

DrBobby (name changed) who runs an “integrative medical clinic” and has SEVEN, count, them SEVEN blogs — “about unconventional, unorthodox, unproven, or alternative, complementary, innovative, integrative therapies and western traditional medicine as well.” Whoa! (If it’s unproven, though, why should I check out your sites?) Among his specialties are:

• environmental medicine, Ayurvedic cure, Panchakarma (regular karma not good enough)
• “candidacies” — no matter if Obama or McCain or if you’re like those who live where I live, still hanging on to the hope of Ron Paul (no I’m not kidding you), it’s not good for you, I knew it — ANARCHY!
• intestinal dysbiosis (ouch, that sounds painful)

He says he is “use to answer emails of” his patients, but is “new in building a blog community.” He also is new to the English language, I think.

Next time, I think I’ll share about some of the things I’ve been asked to hock and books I’ve been asked to review not just on this blog, but also on other blogs I have. Unfortunately, none of this has been as ahem, “cool” as Rickey on Riding with Rickey with his chess set. For more on that, and what he really thought of his free chess set, visit his post HERE.

_________________________________________________________

After checking out Rickey’s blog, visit Humor-Blogs.com to vote for this post and then check out other funny bloggers like Rickey and myself there.