Things that make my mother’s skin crawl

From the same folks who brought you talking ants and a big, honking lot of pasta salad comes this post:

Often while at my parent’s, I joke– as I often do– with my mother about letting the cats into the house, especially in the winter, even though I know she’s allergic. The same way that I joke with The Sister about putting ketchup on her fries even though I know she hates ketchup or catsup (which is it anyway? I’ve always gone with ketchup myself, because catsup sounds like something that a fur ball that a cat coughed up). It’s a brother thing. What can I say?

“You know they make me itch,” she’ll say.

Last night, though, I learned that not only cats make her itch, but also other things that one might not connect with itching.

When I offered her some popcorn I just popped in the microwave, she tells me:

“I can’t eat popcorn any more.”

“Why?”

“It makes me itch.”

“It makes you itch?” I ask incredulously.

“Yes, it makes me itch. I don’t know why, but it does.”

Later, a horse flies finds its way into the house by her recliner, which sits by a screen door.

“Don’t let it bite me! It makes me itch!”

She hastily adds: “Don’t laugh…and do not put this on a blog!”

Which, of course, immediately makes me laugh and go for my notebook.

Then as often happens in my parent’s house, she uses Scripture (it is sharper than any two-edged sword you know) on me: “Judge not, lest ye be judged.”

“Yea, it will return unto you hundredfold,” my dad says (okay, he didn’t actually say that, but it was something to that effect and said in a very Charlton Hestonesque voice).

Both of them tell me that as susceptible as I am to allergies that this is something about which I should not joke and my dad concludes the discussion:

“You’ve had nothing until you start to itch.”

Which, I guess, is true, when you think about it.

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Visit Humor-Blogs.com to vote for this post and then go visit some of the other bloggers there, where questions like why the chicken crossed the road are being answered by luminaries such as Barack Obama, John McCain, Al Sharpton, John Lennon and Albert Einstein.

FREE Obama-Biden car magnet — $15 donation, plus FREE full-length LESBIAN novel!

So as promised, this post I’m going to share about some of the things I’ve been asked to hock and books I’ve been asked to review on my book blog. I’ve also thrown in an e-mail I received via a Facebook group to which I belong.

Sisters of Misery Giveaway Contest:

I received this very personal e-mail from a blogger who addressed me personally:

“Hello Fellow Book Blogger! I have been following your blog and really love your approach to covering the world of books. I have actually linked to you a few times! [Then follows a pitch for a contest she is running on her site for signed copies of the book and asking for me to mention the contest with a link AND I'll be included in the drawing also.] I am hoping to build a strong group of book friends! :) I look forward to hearing from you!”

Not only does the personal touch matter, but the emoticon and the four exclamation marks!!!! mean I definitely will be filing this– in a special file I like to call “Recycle Bin”.

Jumble Pie-Women’s Fiction:

Hello! We thought you and your readers might like to receive a free full-length novel, Jumble Pie, a heartwarming story about two women, friendship, and a pie. The author has two published novels and is providing this as a thank-you to readers! [Then a link is provided to request a copy.]

Hello! I don’t know how you learned that I love women’s fiction!! But I do. Not only is this a novel, but a FULL-LENGTH novel. I’m so glad I’m not receiving those half-finished novels that I usually receive to read (“WTF? I want to know did they eat the pie or not?”). And if I’m reading between the lines correctly: “A heartwarming story about two women, friendship and a pie,” this means LESBIAN story. The only thing I need to know is are they photos included? And if you combine this novel with the previous novel, Sisters of Misery, and make it like a campy S&M parody flick, Sisters of Misery Toss Jumble Pie In Your Face!.

First EditionObama-Biden Car Magnet:

Yes, A FIRST EDITION Obama-Biden car magnet for only $15. Like we won’t be able to get this for a nickel at the upcoming community yard sale or flea market this Spring?

Now for this last one, let me admit, I belong to a certain political persuasion, which because of where I live (READ: MAYBERRY, PA.) shall go unnamed and I am friends with a certain political candidate on Facebook, so I was sort of asking for this one.

I guess I also was asking for the daily updates on the convention I received:

Monday night: Chicago City Clerk Miguel del Valle speaking to convention. Remember The Blues Brothers? His part was played by Steven Spielberg. At the time, he was just just an assessor’s clerk. He also thought it was odd that they chose a non-Latino to play the part, but what could he do it was the start of the 1980s (Chico and the Man’s run ended in 1978 and it was a new time, you know, esse?).

Tuesday night: Planned Parenthood President Cecile Richards — Chicken barbecue for group to follow.

Wednesday night: Congressman Robert Wexler (D-FL) along with Chicago Mayor Richard Daley. I was thinking of skipping that part of the convention myself, because Wexler, well, I never really heard of him, but then you resurrect Richard Daley, I’m soooo there. I thought he might talk about his days as Boss Daley and how he got JFK in the White House. Maybe he is working on something for Obama. I knew I had to definitely tune in to that part. (Oh, wait, I’ve since learned that this was Richard M. Daley, the son of the late Richard J. Daley…I could have skipped it.)

Thursday: All Day: Latino Day! Among speakers are Illinois Congressman Luis Gutierrez, Democratic National Committee Vice-Chair Linda Chavez-Thompson,  Colorado Congressman John (or should we say Juan?) Salazar, Coloroda Obama State Director Ray Rivera and New Mexico Gov. Bill Richardson (originally Ricardo’s son? was he ashamed of his Hispanic heritage?). We’ve come along way, bebe, since the days of Miguel del Valle and Freddy Prinze.

To cast your vote for yet another Caucasian, but one who likes Latino TV, and Latino comedy troupes like Culture Clash, click on Humor-Blogs.com, where you’ll find other Caucasian Watinos or Wispanics (like wiggas) playing the roles of George Lopez and Carlos Mencia. This message has been approved by Unfinished Rambler, who is proud to be an American where at least he knows he’s free!