Keeping on the theme of instant messaging, I present a conversation that took place over a couple hours between me and my friend John, a 60-plus retired metallurgist now English teacher whose breadth of knowledge of literature and the arcana of theater and early TV and movies is unmatched by anyone I know. After this, we decided from now on to talk on the telephone, but this conversation, in my mind, was classic.
John: I’m listening to Tarzan on the radio while I type this. The villain just said “Never-the-less Zultan. Your sabertoothed tiger is dead”.
Me:Hard to top that line.
I don’t know what else to say.
John: You should hear the sound effects. Snarling, and thumping. I didn’t know the sound-effects man could overact.
Me: Those shows are great, aren’t they? Whenever I try to listen to them when [The Wife] is home…wait, she’s out right now. Maybe I should find some online and listen to them. Or XM…who knows? This might be my chance. [It wasn't, as John and I ended up "talking" for the next 2 hours.]
John: Thanks for the invitation, but aside from the time constraints, gas is 4.13 a gallon and still going up. I just finished the next to last course to get my ESL certficate- Applied Linquistics 493. The last course (Tarzan is fighting a prehistoric talking ape. the grunting and thrashing about is terrific) the next course is on grammar. Penn State offered to apply the credits for the five courses we took for certification to a Masters Degree in Teaching English as a Second Language, and then we would just seven courses (“The Arteff went into a house that moved across the face of the water, and was afraid”. Were you afraid the first time you were in a boat Tarzan?”.
Me: Well, I’m sad you can’t come up, but certainly understand, especially with gas as high as it is. (By the way, I love the running commentary.)
John: …Aside from the drive it would be pretty expensive. Now there’s a Bob and Ray interviewing a backhanded, left-handed table tennis champ. Bob asked Ray (Biff the table tennis champ) who was his toughest opponent. Ray said “Well, since I’m my own worst enemy, it was me.” If gas goes up to $5.00 a gallon, and some say it could go to $7.00, it might not be worth going to work.
Me: [after finding the Internet station to which he was listening to the shows] How to use dental floss is what I’m listening to right now.
John: Now there’s an episode of Jack Armstrong the All-American Boy Jack and Uncle Jim are in the headhunting country in the Phillipines. Betty said “Oh hurry Jack I can see Black-Beard and Lazzro talking together”. There was also a commercial for Wheaties which are “rich in heat energy units”. I knew the daughter of Robert Hardy Andrews who wrote Jack Armstrong and also coined the ad slogan “The Breakfast of Champions” for Wheaties. He also wrote Skippy, and Ma Perkins. We were in some Immaculata English classes together. Now another commercial they’re singing “Have you tried Wheaties the Best Breakfast Food in the Land”. Then they went out with “Tune in next week for another exciting episode.”. Then they sang the Hudson High song which is how they ended every episode. Hudson High was Jack’s school. He was hardly ever there, of course, because he, Betty and Uncle Jim were always flying around the world and having adventures. I wonder if Jack ever graduated?
Me: I know I’ve mentioned this previously, but you really need to write a book, John.
In your spare time.
John:…Yes Bob is now broadcasting a list of people who have brought their cars in for the recommended service. He is now interviewing a fingernail clipper tester.
Me: I know. That’s pretty funny…the one on dental floss was pretty good too. [It was; I wasn't just saying that to be polite.]
John: They just announced a Sherlock Holmes series starring Tom Conway and Nigel Bruce. Tom Conway was George Sanders’ brother. The family name was Sanders. They both played the same character in a “B” movie series in the 40 called The Falcon. Of course George was in All About Eve, for which he won a Best Supporting Actor Oscar. You can understand just listening to the narration on these programs what a difference there is since we have become a visual culture. How many people can be entertained by this strictly verbal story telling?
Me: I loved George Sanders in All About Eve. [Uh, I've never heard of any of the others, except of course, Sherlock Holmes, so what else am I supposed to say?]
Later, after a conversation about a few books…
Me: …I’m listening to Nat King Cole, if you can believe it…The Christmas Song. Christmas in July…
John: Good singing is good singing, and always good to listen to. Well, it’s getting a little late, so to paraphrase what they used to say on the radio “Tune in next time for another exciting adventure, and be sure to eat your Wheaties.”
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