A special election edition of Meandering Monday: Letter from 2012 in Palin’s America

In response to the letter from 2012 in Obama’s America from Focus on the Family Action Inc., I have written the flip side of that: a letter from 2012 in Palin’s America (John McCain died in 2009 and VP Palin has taken over).

Like FOTFAI’s letter, my letter is a picture of the changes that are likely or at least very possible, but instead if McCain-Palin are elected and the far-Right segments of the Republican Party gain control of the White House, the Congress and even (gasp) The Supreme Court.

October 22, 2012

Dear friends,

I can hardly sing “God Bless the USA” any more. When I hear the words, “If tomorrow all the things were gone, I’d worked for all my life. And I had to start again, with just my children and my wife. I’d thank my lucky stars, to be livin’ here today.”, I get tears in my eyes and a lump in my throat. Now in October of 2012 after seeing what has happened in the last four years, I don’t think I can thank my lucky stars to be livin’ here today — even though I really always had a problem with that line “I’d thank my lucky stars” anyway since that smacked of astrology and I didn’t quite feel right about that anyway because it was of the occult and the devil.

The 2008 election wasn’t even close. McCain won by a landslide. Many, many good Christians like me voted for McCain—old white Christians actually provided him with the landslide to defeat Obama—but they didn’t think he would die and Palin would follow through on the far-Right policies that had marked her career. We naturally prayed for it, but we really didn’t think it would happen.

The Supreme Court

Only days after the inauguration, incredibly the liberal judges died (quietly in their sleep, we were told then and led to believe by the folks on FoxNews Channel) and were replaced quickly by McCain with more old white guys like himself. The Liberal Media (CNN, MSNBC, basically anything not Fox News Channel) dubbed them the Nazgul after the Nine Ring-Wraiths from the Lord of the Rings for the power they controlled under Sauron, by whom they meant McCain. Little did they know of Lady Galadriel or the Shelob as some later would call her that waited to blind the country with her light (“And no marvel; for Satan himself is transformed into an angel of light” – only this case it was Satan herself) or wrap it in her web that first appeared to be an American flag.

Within minutes of the Nine taking power, everything is outlawed, homosexual marriage, pornography, public television, public schools, everything except for automatic weapons, which are handed out in home schools. Thank my lucky stars to be livin’ here today?

The death of McCain

Less than a month into office, McCain dies (we are told of old age by Fox News Channel) – and VP Palin becomes P. Immediately upon taking office, in her role as commander in chief, she sends troops to every continent and country in the world, except for Israel, and nuclear weapons are dropped on Iran, Russia (although very strategically so as not to harm Alaskan oil reserves), North and South (just because we can) Korea, and China. I definitely thank my lucky stars to be livin’ here today.

President Palin rides triumphant into Las Vegas straddling a nuclear warhead like Randall Flag in The Stand, but everyone except for me misses the literary allusion. If she had been wearing a cowboy hat, it might have been more recognizable tip of the hat (pun intended, ouch) to pop culture.

Palin is the Anti-Christ

Yes, no one has seen this coming: she is the Anti-Christ. Those of us in the religious right always thought that it would be a man. Little did we know. If a woman can be President, why not the Anti-Christ too? Protestants always thought Mary was the Whore of Babylon as described in the book of Revelations. Catholics just thought it was all a literary metaphor for something else. Both were wrong. Sarah was the Whore of Babylon AND the Beast.

I guess I can thank my lucky stars to be livin’ here today. At least, I still have my head until tomorrow when I could lose it if I don’t have the RFID chip that the Babylonian Whore/Beast wants implanted in my right hand so she can keep track of my every movement– which as a good Christian man, I only have the most pure intentions with my right hand.

Sincerely,

A Christian from 2012

If you think this is insane, first reread that original letter—and tell me which is the more insane.

I know you’ve been here this a lot for the last week, but really: Vote. Oh, not in The Election, either way, we’re screwed, but here: Humor-Blogs.com. You might be screwed here too, but at least you will be able to laugh about it afterward.

Oh, in the near future, I’m moving to my new digs at Unfinished Rambler. I want to give y’all a little time though to switch over to my new feed and all that jazz. In the meantime, if you want a preview, stop by, I’ll be crossposting.

Flashback Friday: Sympathy for the Devil’s Music

This morning, as I was waking up, suddenly I was inspired– or actually maybe uninspired, since the meaning of inspiration refers to the divine. It doesn’t happen often: being inspired on my own. Usually, as I mentioned yesterday, I steal from other people, but this morning I actually came up with this one on my own.

So for today’s Flashback Friday, in honor of Halloween, I bring you the Devil himself (notice, no capitalization on “himself,” for Christians, that’s reserved for God Himself, but Devil, that’s okay to be capitalized) and his music.

I grew up in what many would consider a fundamentalist Christian home, meaning that I listened to Christian rock music (which I know might seem like an oxymoron to some of you, especially those of you who are fundamentalist Christians) and wasn’t allowed to listen to the “devil’s music.”

Now to country and western (not this new-fangled country mix of country, pop– no western– and rock), I was allowed to listen. Ironically, that is where I believe I was first exposed to the Devil– at least, directly, in the lyrics (my mom probably thought I and the rest of the country were exposed to him– notice, lower case “h”– through this seemingly innocuous but deceptively evil singer with his inviting lyrics):

Later in elementary school, a friend who lived in New Hampshire, the vortex of all that is evil (or so I’ve heard, well, very close at least in almost pure– talk about oxymoron– unadulterated evil percentage-wise to Delaware [1])), introduced me to this band:

and we all know what those letters mean:

Kids (how I first heard it) or Knights
In
Satan’s
Service

Never mind, that they weren’t kids, but I guess is that they were trying to spawn a nation of kids for Satan’s service. But I mean, really, look at that guy in that video (above) spewing blood. I mean, that is what their name had to mean, right? Wrong. Nevertheless, I even heard that Gene Simmons killed a puppy with his steel-heeled boots at a concert in Jersey– and since have learned that there were rumors he had a cow’s tongue grafted onto his own.

Later, of course, I learned that they couldn’t be that bad because after all, they sang about God and heaven!

In high school (notice, it was school where I was schooled in the ways of the Evil One), I was well on my way on the…

Hell’s Bells! If there ever was a personification of evil in the form of one band– let alone Angus Young with the seizures he’s experienced on stage, this was it. I mean, you could even call them at 36 24 36 hey to perform your dirty deeds.

Finally, in college, I came full circle musically when I went real old school and went back to the year of my birth when Evil reared its ugly head at a place called Altamont:

Post-college, I just became a devil without a cause…

…and, like the rest of the World (capital W), since have been seeking out my own Personal Jesus.

________________________________________________________

[1] I think this alone shows that our country wasn’t founded by God, as some claim, with Delaware being the First State. I know my wife would agree.

If you want to be given black sensations up and down your spine and you’re into humor, then click Humor-Blogs.com (as always the most important link on the page). or for gits and shiggles, try this one: Humor-Blogs.com.