Meandering Monday #2: Stop the presses! I’ve updated my blog! Sex, drugs, rock ‘n’ roll!

Today is the second week for a new feature here called Meandering Monday, where I…uh…meander on a wide range of topics, from sex to drugs and rock and roll. Okay, not really, but I thought if I could hook you in, why not? If that turns you off, then let’s say I’m going to meander about gardens, classical music and cooking. It’ll be like NPR or PBS, but without the letters and the pledge drives.

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First, up Sudden Wallet Awareness Syndrome runs in the family:

On Saturday, my father “lost” his wallet while we were at a picnic. I had to stifle a laugh as I thought, “Is this what I look…and sound like?”

My father: “I know it was right here…I don’t understand because I had it right here…”

About an hour later, he found it:

Funny thing is just before we left my parents, I “lost” my cell phone, but it “magically appeared” in my coat pocket where I left. I “lose” my glasses all the time too. Oh, there they are: ON MY FACE!

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Also while over at my parents, my wife…well…needed a feminine product, because she didn’t have one with her. Here is what she found from the days my sister was in college:

For some reason, it struck me as funny and made me wonder what other products could be advertised in a similar manner:

Choosing the right college is a smart decision…Choosing Scott’s Rapid-Dissolving Toilet Tissue is another smart decision!

Or for older people that might be going into nursing homes:

Choosing the right nursing home is a smart decision…Choosing Depends is another smart decision!

Basically, the slogan could go with any product for bodily functions of which you could think. You get the idea.

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My sister yesterday put up a post about how I inform her via phone every time I put up a post here or at one of my other 20 blogs (okay four other, but still…). I’m really not that bad.

I’m much worse. I not only call, but also e-mail, Twitter (which goes on my Facebook status too) her and others when I put up a post. I haven’t hired a skywriter or gone to a radio ad like she has suggested, but I might think about posting a YouTube video. Everybody else these days is on YouTube, why not me saying “Hey, check out the blog post I just put up!”?

I’m a blore like Lobo, I admit it.

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This Week’s Funny Find is papercages from the Outer Boondocks of California. I’ll be featuring her feed on my sidebar at right all week. Check her out. She’s someone I’ve seen a few times, but to whom I’m only beginning to be introduced. So far, I’ve highlighted Doug @ Taunt Vortex, Nick @ Buffalo This, Mike @ PlainOleMike and Kevin Lieber (a.k.a. Julius Bloop).

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The most important link on this page: Humor-Blogs.com not only because you can vote for this post there (still primarily, though), but also because you can find funny bloggers like those I highlight each and every day (secondarily).

Until next time…

Keep meanderin’ meanderin’, meanderin’,
Though others are disapprovin’,
Keep them thoughts meanderin’!

(If you try to vote and can’t, please go to the link for Humor-Blogs.com on the sidebar. It will take you to the right place. Not that I’m a blore or anything.)

Things that make my mother’s skin crawl

From the same folks who brought you talking ants and a big, honking lot of pasta salad comes this post:

Often while at my parent’s, I joke– as I often do– with my mother about letting the cats into the house, especially in the winter, even though I know she’s allergic. The same way that I joke with The Sister about putting ketchup on her fries even though I know she hates ketchup or catsup (which is it anyway? I’ve always gone with ketchup myself, because catsup sounds like something that a fur ball that a cat coughed up). It’s a brother thing. What can I say?

“You know they make me itch,” she’ll say.

Last night, though, I learned that not only cats make her itch, but also other things that one might not connect with itching.

When I offered her some popcorn I just popped in the microwave, she tells me:

“I can’t eat popcorn any more.”

“Why?”

“It makes me itch.”

“It makes you itch?” I ask incredulously.

“Yes, it makes me itch. I don’t know why, but it does.”

Later, a horse flies finds its way into the house by her recliner, which sits by a screen door.

“Don’t let it bite me! It makes me itch!”

She hastily adds: “Don’t laugh…and do not put this on a blog!”

Which, of course, immediately makes me laugh and go for my notebook.

Then as often happens in my parent’s house, she uses Scripture (it is sharper than any two-edged sword you know) on me: “Judge not, lest ye be judged.”

“Yea, it will return unto you hundredfold,” my dad says (okay, he didn’t actually say that, but it was something to that effect and said in a very Charlton Hestonesque voice).

Both of them tell me that as susceptible as I am to allergies that this is something about which I should not joke and my dad concludes the discussion:

“You’ve had nothing until you start to itch.”

Which, I guess, is true, when you think about it.

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Visit Humor-Blogs.com to vote for this post and then go visit some of the other bloggers there, where questions like why the chicken crossed the road are being answered by luminaries such as Barack Obama, John McCain, Al Sharpton, John Lennon and Albert Einstein.