In response to the letter from 2012 in Obama’s America from Focus on the Family Action Inc., I have written the flip side of that: a letter from 2012 in Palin’s America (John McCain died in 2009 and VP Palin has taken over).
Like FOTFAI’s letter, my letter is a picture of the changes that are likely or at least very possible, but instead if McCain-Palin are elected and the far-Right segments of the Republican Party gain control of the White House, the Congress and even (gasp) The Supreme Court.
October 22, 2012
Dear friends,
I can hardly sing “God Bless the USA” any more. When I hear the words, “If tomorrow all the things were gone, I’d worked for all my life. And I had to start again, with just my children and my wife. I’d thank my lucky stars, to be livin’ here today.”, I get tears in my eyes and a lump in my throat. Now in October of 2012 after seeing what has happened in the last four years, I don’t think I can thank my lucky stars to be livin’ here today — even though I really always had a problem with that line “I’d thank my lucky stars” anyway since that smacked of astrology and I didn’t quite feel right about that anyway because it was of the occult and the devil.
The 2008 election wasn’t even close. McCain won by a landslide. Many, many good Christians like me voted for McCain—old white Christians actually provided him with the landslide to defeat Obama—but they didn’t think he would die and Palin would follow through on the far-Right policies that had marked her career. We naturally prayed for it, but we really didn’t think it would happen.
The Supreme Court
Only days after the inauguration, incredibly the liberal judges died (quietly in their sleep, we were told then and led to believe by the folks on FoxNews Channel) and were replaced quickly by McCain with more old white guys like himself. The Liberal Media (CNN, MSNBC, basically anything not Fox News Channel) dubbed them the Nazgul after the Nine Ring-Wraiths from the Lord of the Rings for the power they controlled under Sauron, by whom they meant McCain. Little did they know of Lady Galadriel or the Shelob as some later would call her that waited to blind the country with her light (“And no marvel; for Satan himself is transformed into an angel of light” – only this case it was Satan herself) or wrap it in her web that first appeared to be an American flag.
Within minutes of the Nine taking power, everything is outlawed, homosexual marriage, pornography, public television, public schools, everything except for automatic weapons, which are handed out in home schools. Thank my lucky stars to be livin’ here today?
The death of McCain
Less than a month into office, McCain dies (we are told of old age by Fox News Channel) – and VP Palin becomes P. Immediately upon taking office, in her role as commander in chief, she sends troops to every continent and country in the world, except for Israel, and nuclear weapons are dropped on Iran, Russia (although very strategically so as not to harm Alaskan oil reserves), North and South (just because we can) Korea, and China. I definitely thank my lucky stars to be livin’ here today.
President Palin rides triumphant into Las Vegas straddling a nuclear warhead like Randall Flag in The Stand, but everyone except for me misses the literary allusion. If she had been wearing a cowboy hat, it might have been more recognizable tip of the hat (pun intended, ouch) to pop culture.
Palin is the Anti-Christ
Yes, no one has seen this coming: she is the Anti-Christ. Those of us in the religious right always thought that it would be a man. Little did we know. If a woman can be President, why not the Anti-Christ too? Protestants always thought Mary was the Whore of Babylon as described in the book of Revelations. Catholics just thought it was all a literary metaphor for something else. Both were wrong. Sarah was the Whore of Babylon AND the Beast.
I guess I can thank my lucky stars to be livin’ here today. At least, I still have my head until tomorrow when I could lose it if I don’t have the RFID chip that the Babylonian Whore/Beast wants implanted in my right hand so she can keep track of my every movement– which as a good Christian man, I only have the most pure intentions with my right hand.
Sincerely,
A Christian from 2012
If you think this is insane, first reread that original letter—and tell me which is the more insane.
I know you’ve been here this a lot for the last week, but really: Vote. Oh, not in The Election, either way, we’re screwed, but here: Humor-Blogs.com. You might be screwed here too, but at least you will be able to laugh about it afterward.
Oh, in the near future, I’m moving to my new digs at Unfinished Rambler. I want to give y’all a little time though to switch over to my new feed and all that jazz. In the meantime, if you want a preview, stop by, I’ll be crossposting.
